A chance for us.

Haven't been sleeping well and eating well. No appetite and even making myself drunk can't get myself to sleep. Tired, but insomnia... I've been depending on pills and sleeping pills to get my sleep... Without you, there seems no direction in my life.. It feels that only with you, i can feel happy...

Two days back you messaged me, you said the memories are coming back these days... Am i supposed to feel happy ? I missed you so much, and i've been really feeling so stress. You agreed to meet me on sunday , i was so happy, can't express my feelings... I want to shout to the world, want the whole world to know my happiness... But no one felt happy for me.. No body want to see us together, no body supported my love for you... "Why are you getting yourself hurt again and again. Why are you so blinded by someone who doesn't know how to love you? Why do you want to feel pain all over again and let yourself endure and struggle through so much shits.." I know its only because they cared, because they worry that i may hurt myself again putting in so much, but i cant control those feelings...They say its only that i wouldn't open the door to someone else because I'm afraid, maybe its true... I am so tired of letting someone else in, and getting hurt all over again. Even though i have struggled thru and hurt so much in this relationship but i just can't let go...

I couldn't sleep last night... I missed you so much... You said you'd give us a chance to be back together, to let us be sweet one last time. I can't deny that I'm afraid, I'm afraid that there's some motive behind your decision, i don't know what made you want us back, but I sure am happy... We messaged, i can't control myself from wanting to talk to you, but your replies were cold... Why ? You want to be back, but you treated me differently... I will change, i will be good, but how ?

There's just so much insecurities... I'm afraid you have other girls, afraid there's someone else as your back up plan, afraid that you such want me back because you feel lonely for the time being, so much things I'm afraid of, but what can I do, I miss you so much and I feel so lost without you with me. I will try my best to be a good gf, i will be sweet be gentle... I just hope this time things will work out, I don't mind how others look at me, how others think of me... Because for you, it's worth it as I love you.. I hope you will understand, i hope you will change too, I hope everything will be fine...

xoxo.